Thursday, December 14, 2006

Household tips you can't live without

Dear Heloise,
My dolphin swallowed some plastic, and now it's causing a blockage in his stomach. What should I do?
Signed,
Concerned in China

Dear Concerned,
This is no problem at all. First, get a few dish towels and a couple of friends. Have your friends wrap the dish towels around the poor creature's upper and lower jaws, so they can hold the dolphin's mouth open with out losing any fingers. Then get Bao Xishun from Inner Mongolia, the world's tallest living man, to reach in and yank that nasty plastic right out! You'll never reach, but Bao's 41.7 inch arms will. Besides, your hands will smell like ass, so you don't want to do it yourself!

1 comment:

Urban_Infidel said...

Sigh.. I would NOT want to be an animal in China. Nor anything else either, for that matter.