More Christmas humor

Yeah, I'm way too lazy to be bothered with posting content of substance, so here's another Christmas joke...

An international chess club was holding their annual meeting at a hotel. During a cocktail reception several of the attendees were gathered near the entrance bragging about their mastery in various chess tournaments. After several minutes of this, the hotel manager threw them out.

When a bellhop asked the manager why, he explained, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting by an open foyer."

Christmas humor

Santa had just finished loading up his sleigh and was climbing on board for his annual flight around the world when a man with a large hunting rifle hopped into the right seat.

Startled, Santa asks the man, "Seriously? You're gonna rob ME on Christmas Eve?"

"Sorry to give you a fright, sir", the man replies. "I'm Bill from the FAA. The powers that be decided earlier this year that you must be subject to an annual check ride so that we can certify your airworthiness and emergency handling procedures."

Santa, looking a bit puzzled, asks Fred, "Well, OK, but what's with the .30-06?"

Fred leans in and whispers, "Well, I'm not supposed to tell you, but you're gonna lose one on take-off."

Santa takes advantage of "Cash for Clunkers"

Santa jumped on the Cash for Clunkers program this past summer and traded in his aging and energy-inefficient sleigh and eight tiny reindeer for a C-17 Globemaster and three presumably average-sized aircrew.

Retailers: "Won't you please help?"

Just an observation on this Black Friday in the midst of the depression recession recovery.

It hasn't always been the case that the news media obsessively covered the Christmas shopping season. I'm thinking maybe for the past 15-20 years or so. But in all that time, I don't think I ever heard someone say "Wow! We're selling crap like there's no tomorrow and we expect a record year!". Not once. Instead, every report is all doom and gloom with retailers seeing anything from "disappointing results" to "the worst Christmas retail season ever".

Now why do you think that might be?

A Christmas message from The Pogues

As Christmas songs go, Fairy Tale of New York is a bit of a downer. But it ends on a hopeful note, and that's what Christmas is all about, right? Not that hopey-changey stuff spewed by Obama and his cultists, but a genuine feeling that as bad as things were, they can get better. Sort of like 2008, no?

Merry Christmas, everyone!

UK's Channel 4 to air alternative Christmas message...from Ahmadinejad

Britain's Channel 4 will air a Christmas "message of peace" from Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Channel 4 is positioning this as an "alternative" to the Queen's annual Christmas address.

President Ahmadinejad's address will focus on spiritual messages of seasonal goodwill, but also contains an attack on "bullying, ill-tempered and expansionist powers".

[ ... ]

Stephen Smith, director of the Holocaust Centre, said the president's message of peace was "deceptive", describing him as a "wolf in sheep's clothing".

He criticised "the fact that somebody who openly denies the Holocaust is given legitimacy on prime-time television, someone who uses Holocaust denial to be divisive.

"This message of so-called peace needs to be treated very carefully."

Philip Davies MP, a Tory member of the culture select committee, said that the address was "completely unacceptable on every level".

"His previous comments don't strike me as being in tune with what most people feel at Christmas time. He is an offensive man and the last person you would want to use for a Christmas message.

"Channel 4 have lost sight of what a Christmas message should be. They are trying to be controversial for the sake of being controversial, and are treating their viewers with contempt by pretending this is not a publicity stunt."

To be fair, this seems somewhat consistent with Channel 4's practice of airing opposing viewpoints. Early last year they broadcast The Great Global Warming Swindle, an excellent dismantling of the anthropogenic global warming argument.

But really...Ahmadinejad of all people?

Random boat parade not as popular as Christmas boat parade

So as not to exclude those who don't observe Christmas, the eggheads in Patchogue, NY changed the name of their annual Christmas Boat Parade to more inclusive "Boat Parade of Lights". Not everyone was enthused about the change.

About 1,000 people showed up Sunday for the Patchogue (PACH'-awg) Boat Parade of Lights. That's 500 fewer than usually showed up when it was called the Patchogue Christmas Boat Parade.

[ ... ]

Organizers say the parade still was a success.

Well, of course they said that, and it was successful in the sense that a parade actually took place. But driving off a third of your usual audience is hardly a "success".